'Tis the Season to be Thankful

This quote is the perfect way to say how my last year has gone. We all encounter many struggles and hardships that we are faced with in life, but it is how we choose to face them and how we allow them to affect our lives that make the difference. It can be a positive or a negative experience for us with each struggle that we face; however, it is our choice and ours alone on what we choose to do with these struggles.

I asked for my New Year's Resolution for 2015 to be my year of change--And boy did I ever get what I asked for. Most of the changes that happened within my life have been good, while others have helped me to grow to be a better person, and others have allowed me to find "Melissa" and the strength I really hold within myself that I never quite believed was there.

It's that time of the year to be reminded just how truly blessed we all are for the loved ones, family and friends that we have in our lives. It's a time to be humble with the things that we have in our lives, to take a step back and really LOOK at those people and things and know that we have the most precious gifts this life can bring...People into our lives to share life with.

As I began to get "into the holiday spirit", and put up my tree, I was reminded of all the memories I had as a kid with decorating the tree, spending time with friends and just enjoying this "magical" time of year that has always fascinated me.

In the last year, I have began to date a very sweet guy who has been in love with me for well over 10yrs, but I never saw him as more than an "adopted little brother"...It took me to not just look at him but to really SEE him to notice that he could be the guy I have been waiting for.

I have dealt with some very personal issues that I felt were haunting me from my past, and in doing so, I have learned that I cannot go back in time to correct mistakes, I can only learn from them, and hope that I can make better ones in the future. With that being said; I am personally glad I had to go through those struggles/battles because it helped me to get to where I am today, it's helped me to become the person I am today, and the person I hope to be in my future. I realized that NOTHING short of someone or something actually killing me, will stop me or keep me down for the rest of my life. I have learned to fight back with a vengeance when adversary situations come up in my personal life, because it's when I am trapped in a corner, with nowhere to go and I just want to give up, that's when I find I have the greatest strength to just keep going.

In my life, mainly in my adult life, I have learned and witnessed the hard way how it feels to lose friends who I thought were friends, to see how differently someone treats you based on a belief, a choice, a preference or whatever it is that you have which may differ from them. This has been one of the loneliest years in my life when it comes to friends, as I felt I really didn't have those few "go to" friends that I usually have in my life for advice and other things...But because of that, my younger sister and I have developed such a strong and close relationship, more than ever, and she has been my saving grace this year. Thank You Heather for putting up with me and all my shenanigans this year. I don't know how I would have gotten through this last year without you. I love you so much and I am honored to have you as a younger sister!

In August, I turned the big 30! I had been so scared of turning 30 for the last few years of my life...But when it finally happened, I realized that I was not scared of turning 30, for 30 is but a number...What I was scared of was finding myself. This happened in the most unusual places, you know that "epiphany moment" you have at times occurred to me on my birthday in which I was working. I went to use the restroom at work, and as I was washing my hands, I looked into the mirror and said "So this is what 30 looks like...(as I took a deep breath and exhaled) I am okay with that".

The best thing about this year is knowing that I am continuously growing, learning and I will move onward to whatever dreams I have, whatever things I want to do in my life...I just have to be okay with myself, trust I know what to do and...LEAP!

This has been such an eye-opening year, and I hope that 2016 is the start of the AMAZING years of my life.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all of you.

~Melissa

Saying Good-Bye to My 20's

Over the last few days, I have been thinking a lot about turning "The Big 3-0" in a couple weeks. For the last year, I have been dreading leaving my twenties behind, knowing that I am merely getting older. People have said that turning 30 is "no big deal", but it is for me.

There are times in everyone's life that they look back on the years that have past and think about the things that they have done, things we wished we would have done, goals we set and accomplished as well as failing at others. I have had many successes in my life that I have fought, clawed, and sought after with my whole heart and finally obtained them. Those successes are what gives me the passion and drive to keep going, to keep chasing all of the dreams that I have for my life. Successes, however, also come with failures; which, I have had my fair share of just like most of us have I am sure.

I look around me and everyone that I see, all the friends that I have are all in the next phases of their lives, most are married and/or have families of their own, and all the while, I feel as if I am out of place or lagging way behind in this race we call life. I used to have this "Thirty Year Plan" for my life which included being married and being a Mom by the age of 30. It always seemed like 30 was a well-rounded age to get married at (around) and  to begin a family. I grew up in a family where my parents had kids very young, and although I see nothing wrong with that, I wanted to wait until I was at least in my mid-twenties before getting married and having children. Now 30 is pounding on my door with brute force, and I cannot help but wonder why I am about to turn 30 and I feel like life is slipping away from me? Did I wait too long? Was I too picky on who I chose to date? Do I have too high of expectations? Why does 30 feel "old" to me and why am I struggling so much with this age?

I also look at my life in terms of a career. I do not yet have a career, as I just graduated from college about a year ago, and with having a hard time finding employment locally when the job market for your career is not here, you end up going back to working the types of jobs you did prior to going to college...That could have something to do with it as well. I chose to go straight to the work field right out of high school, for fear of flunking out of college, so I attended college at a later time than my friends, and I see them all established in their careers, making a decent living, owning a home, planning trips, having families, and all of the things that go with that career phase in life after you graduate from college.

Am I on the right course, or am I swimming up stream without a paddle as I am living in an apartment, by myself, with my two cats, have not landed a permanent job in my career field yet, and have not ran smack dab into "Mr. Right" yet to even try the next phase. The good Lord could help me out with that piece any time now as I am ready for my "meant-to-be" to cross my path in life. Beam him down Jesus. :)

I have also wondered if the reason why 30 feels "old", is because I had to grow up and be very responsible at the age of 10? When I think about it, I almost feel like I am turning 40, but really turning 30, yet 40 is not old either but I feel "old".

***

Then I spend the day with my 8 year old niece and I see such life and determination within her. I see her imagination, her love for me and for life and the pure joy of just being a kid and playing. I see her get excited to go to the store where she gets to be the helper, where she feels special, needed and important. I see her eyes twinkle when I tell her we are going for ice cream and afterwards we get to go to the park and play at the splash pad. I am so incredibly blessed to be an Auntie to 4 amazing kids and it makes my desire to have my own and that yearning to have my own grow with more intensity.

I know that thirty is now considered the new twenty, but I have been patient, VERY patient and I feel that I am ready for these next phases in my life to begin. I don't want to keep letting my life slip by on the "hope" that it will happen in the right time...I want to start living the life of a 30 year old woman instead of feeling like I am living the life of a 20 year old woman. Now is the time, the time to make dreams happen, to create the things in my life I dream of, goals I want to accomplish and the places I know they could take me. For now, I will try to remain content with being 30 as I really do not have a choice in the matter, however, I dare to dream and I dream BIG, so maybe the dreams I have are just right this year for turning the BIG 3-0! :)

~Melissa

I am a Writer

There are times in our lives we look back on the past and wonder what were we thinking. Memories we hold dear to us, people we hold near to us and life that unfolds before us. Life is about finding peace, love and happiness and doing the best you can with the life that you are given. Dreams are meant to give us desire, drive and determination to achieve things that we personally deemed as impossible for us; or that the people around us have said "You can't do that". They say you can't...I say Why not?

I have all of these "crazy" dreams and sometimes I feel like no matter how hard I dream, it seems just out of my reach. I used to think that if I could not accomplish something that I sent out to do, then I was not meant to have that dream...That dream must have been for someone else and was "accidentally dropped into my desire pot". It didn't take me long to realize that it was not the dream that was just beyond my reach, but my mentality that was out of reach. That realization only pushed my drive more, allowed me to try harder, and opened my world up to more dreams that I didn't know I had.

In life we are taught "only the strong survive"; I believe this to an extent depending on what the reference is being used for. I hear this quote and I cringe most times because I begin to question who knows what the true definition of "strong" is; and if they do, how do they know that I am not as strong of a person as they are, or if you are just as strong as I am...etc? We all have personal battles that we face each day and things we walk through, things we rejoice in, things that we fear, things that anger/frustrate us...etc.

This journey has given me my shares of extreme highs and extreme lows, but I know that I am still here, still breathing, still destined for greatness--All I have to do is chase the desires of my heart.

I have many desires in my life. I have dreams of being a writer, teacher, a public speaker, living down south, doing something with music, always wanted to be a camp counselor for the summer, get married, have children, own a home, have a career that I love...etc. I know I can obtain these dreams because they are a part of me. Desires placed within my heart and I cannot and will not let anyone talk me out of it or anything prevent me from chasing those dreams full force.

We are all destined to be great people who will be remembered for our time in this world. I always said I wanted to be "loved deeply and remembered greatly". For the longest time, I didn't know how to explain that to others who asked what I meant by that, but I want to be loved deeply by few and remembered by many for the dreams I dared to chase and the dreams I fought for in my life. :)

Doing this blog is one way I chase my dream of being a writer. I will also on occasion write letters to friends or people who have made a difference in my life. If the person knows my hand writing, then I go ahead and sign my name, otherwise I sign the letter merely as "The Writer". I believe we all have desires and dreams within us for a very divine purpose...To chase them and see where they take us...

In chasing the things that you desire and are passionate about, that's when you will find joy, happiness, fulfillment, excitement, wonder and love in life. All those pieces of the puzzle you have been trying to put together will systematically fall into place when you know you are chasing passion, desire, happiness and joy.

I don't want to look back even 10 years from now and wonder what my life would have been like or if I could have accomplished something and not even try. The only time we should be looking back on our lives is to see how far we have come. :)


Dream, Believe, Achieve--You CAN DO IT!

~Melissa

Once Words Are Spoken...They Cannot Be Taken Back.

The message in this photo says it all. There are many times in life that we say things we probably shouldn't. We come to find later that a simple slip of the tongue in a moment of frustration or anger can change the course of a life. It's funny how we tend to learn things the hard way; yet the growth you experience from life is all worth while. Words are the most powerful thing that we as humans use and they can either build you up, or tear you down.

Those who know me, know that I do not share my life story with just anyone. It takes me probably more time that it should to trust people. Life experiences have played a role in who I trust and how soon I trust people. I believe that we are all human beings walking around this earth just trying to do the best we can with the life that we are given. We will and do make mistakes in this life. I certainly have had my fair share of mistakes already in life and I know that I will make more as the years go on. The thing is though my readers; is that just because someone makes a mistake, no matter how big or small, does not mean that person should have deal with the backlash for the rest of their lives. Sometimes people are just simply trying to overcome their past to get to where they want their future to be. When your friends, family or the people who are closest to you finds out something, if they do not approve, they begin to treat you differently, act differently around you, distance themselves from you, say things that they would never have dreamed of saying prior to the slip of the tongue.

If only those who judge others could step into the shoes of the person in which they are judging and see what that does to them; I bet there would be less judgement going around in this world.

It has been my experience that I have heard some hurtful things come from the people who are closest to me, not because of anything I did directly to them, but because information about my life got out and things that were said and/or repeated that shouldn't have been; as a result of that happening, your immediate circle of friends and even family now begins to say things or treat you in ways they didn't before.

I will be the first to admit that I have said or done things that I shouldn't have; however, I have also learned to look at the other side of the pendulum because I know what it's like to be judged and judged harshly. The essence of this post is to remind everyone to always be open-minded, to hear what is being said to you without digging for a response, to choose your words wisely for once they have been released, you can never take them back.

...I wonder what the world would be like with TRUE connections with others who NEVER judge someone else and accepts all people and things for who that person or thing is, it's uniqueness and its individuality?....

We always complain about politics, war and the desire for "world peace"--Yet how can we ever obtain such an adventurous concept if we cannot even accept those around us in our daily lives, love them, not judge them but understand them, get to know them and be a part of their lives? If we really want to make a difference in the world, we must start by placing a mirror in our face and seeing the things that we need to change before we can convince,expect or dream about something as grand as "world peace" when people in general (not all people mind you) are so judgmentally, close-minded, and have one way of looking at things--Their way.

Judge less, love more, accept differences; but above all, understand the people and world around you. SPEAK words of love, acceptance and encouragement and you might be surprised with the changes you see not only in the people around you but also within yourself.

Until next time...

~Melissa

2015 Marks My Year of New Beginnings

I have been truly blessed with the people I have in my life. This year has taught me many lessons in life that I needed to learn in order to grow as a person. There have been tons of tough lessons learned, but I would not change them for anything as I know they have helped shaped me and have allowed me to grow into the person I am today, as well as the person I hope to become. : )

Each year people make "New Year's Resolutions" and most often than not, those resolutions fail within the first few months because the drive and the determination depletes and life happens to get in the way of even the most well-planned life. I am not saying that people do not have the best of intentions when they make those resolutions, as I, myself have made ones and they fell through a few months into it; however, if you have the drive, passion and determination to make the changes in your lives that you need and if you fight tooth and nail against any obstacle that tries to get in the way...Nothing can break those ambitions as long as you don't give up and keep fighting.

This year, I am not making any "New Year's Resolutions" but rather clearing a path in my life for change and for new beginnings to take form, sprout and grow in my personal life. Those who know me on a personal level know that I have dealt with MANY personal battles in my life, some for many years and even some that I thought would destroy me. However, no matter what has come, I have fought through those things and still continue to fight. My journey is far from over in this life and I know that as long as I have determination, passion and drive to do something in my life, I know that I can accomplish it. I have proven this to myself when I completed college when I struggled to get through high school. The strange part is, I was a good kid in school, I maintained pretty good grades, but I struggled with a few areas that threated my chances of graduating on time or at all. I have not only completed an AAS Degree in Administrative Support, but I also have an Associate in Arts Degree and I started a TESL Bachelor's Degree which I am determined to complete at some point.

The last few months of my life have been extremely hard on a personal level dealing with losing one of my jobs in the next week or so, to financial concerns, to needing certain health care for myself but cannot afford to take care of it right now...But I have realized that dwelling on those things doesn't change the fact that you cannot change things beyond your control--However, I can make changes in my life with things I have control over and not only will I feel better as a person, but I know that I am taking the best care of myself that I possibly can on my own with the things that I can control.

...This year, I have decided that I am making some radical changes to my life. I am going to take care of my body by exercising on a regular basis (from the comfort of my home). I have some exercise equipment and it's time to put it to regular use instead of in spurts throughout the year. I am going to begin eating healthier, figuring out a grocery budget that will include more fresh fruits and vegetables in which I love (but could not afford) and buy less processed food. I have a desire to cook and I want to work on my cooking skills. I have all of these awesome cookbooks and really haven't used them more than a handful of times. This year, I am making it a priority to try at least one new dish a week/biweekly depending on what it is and what my budget will be.

I am investing in a fruit/vegetable juicer so I can have fresh, wholesome shakes/smoothies in the mornings/afternoons instead of caffeine. I don't like not being happy with how I look or knowing that I could do more for myself to better my life and not do it. I know it will be an uphill battle and I will struggle every step of the way, but I am determined to make not only these changes I stated but others as well to help transform myself into the best, most healthy and happy person I can be at this time in my life. I know this process will never be completely finished as we are continuously growing as we journey through life; however, I am anxious to see what this year brings and to see how far I have come this time next year. : )

Here's to 2015, MY year of CHANGE! : )

Office Holiday Spirit

I was a bit bummed this holiday season when I realized that because I got another cat (a kitten to be exact), that I would not be able to put up my tree or holiday decorations this year. My kitten Mittens destroyed my artificial tree I had in my living room, and I did not want to take the chance of him destroying my Christmas tree as well; so I made the decision not to put up my tree this year. Christmas is my favorite holiday and to not be able to put up my tree or decorate for this holiday had me feeling a bit bummed--That is until I came to work one day last week and one of my co-workers brought in some snowflakes, bulbs and garland into the office so we could decorate it. : )

...So my work-study students and I went right to work with getting things ready and decorated as my co-worker Bretta began the decorating with hanging garland along our cubicle walls. Words cannot describe how elated I was to be a part of something so simple, yet something that made me overly happy. : )

I have grown to LOVE my job and I work with some of the most amazing people I have met in my life. These advisors and work-study students are HARD workers, dedicated to their jobs and I am beyond blessed that I was chosen for this position. I have only been working in this position for a couple months and I already know that I love what I am doing and feel blessed to be a part of the office staff in which I work. I have never seen a group of people who are so dedicated to not only their job but to helping the students who daily walk through our office doors....I wonder how I never "knew" about this office and these advisors when I was a student at this college?

Here is the finished product of our decorating excursions at the office. I figure if I am not able to enjoy my tree and decorations this holiday season; at least I can enjoy the spirit of the holidays at work. I hope there are many more holidays and years that I get to spend with these wonderful people, but for now, I will enjoy this opportunity and the time that I have with them. Thank You to all the advisors who help to "make me look like I know what in the world I am doing". : )

This is a photo of the whole Advising Center as you walk in...It's like a "winter Wonderland" with snowflakes and bulbs "falling" from the ceiling".

The front part of my desk...

The front part of the front desk....

I am pretty happy with how the decorating turned out. Thanks Bretta for bringing in the awesome decorations. : )

~Melissa

My Christmas Wish

As the holidays have come upon us once again, I begin to think about my favorite holiday probably in October. I LOVE Christmas and it's my all time favorite holiday. As a kid, I loved Christmas not only for the presents but because it just seemed like such a magical time of the year. I loved watching Christmas movies about families being together, having fun, laughing, sharing in the joys of life and the joys that the holiday season brings. I had these dreams of having that "warm and fuzzy feeling" that comes with spending the holidays with your family and I looked forward to it each year as that's really the only time of the year that we all spent time with members of my extended family. We used to wake up early in the morning on Christmas Eve, get ready, pack up the truck and head to my Grandparents for Christmas where we would stay a night or two there and just have that time together...As the years progressed and my sister's and I grew older, that time for Christmas became less and less and also became more stress-filled with drama and chaos.

Christmas became un-enjoyable and something that was dreaded in our family and still is today. I know that no family is "perfect" and will have disagreements, but for some reason during each holiday that we spend together, drama, arguments, and chaos find their way into our holiday enjoyment no matter how hard we try to have a chaos, drama/argument free holiday with family...

I still believe that there is something magical about Christmas and I strive to enjoy the Christmas season as much as I possibly can. I had an idea for this Christmas, something that we could do that we have never done as a family for this holiday--I wanted to plan for our family to do something "fun" together on Christmas Eve. We no longer spend the night at my Grandparents, but leave on Christmas Eve a bit after gifts are exchanged. Christmas, I feel has very little meaning in our family in what Christmas actually stands for and what it means to spend that time with your family.

When I mentioned my idea of maybe going to see a tree lighting in the town that my Grandparents live in, or do something fun with the kids like build a snowman/castle as a family and just have that fun, I was laughed at and told "Yeah Right, good luck with that." I asked this person "Why not?" and they said that it would be impossible to get the family to want to do anything like that. I said Okay, but secretly I was devastated and crushed. I thought that it would be nice to do something fun and try to bring some of that "magical" meaning back into our family for Christmas.

No matter what, I still LOVE Christmas, it's still my favorite holiday but My Christmas Wish for this year has been the same wish that I have been praying for, for several years and that's to have my family actually ENJOY Christmas and what Christmas means to have a family to spend it with. I still love watching Christmas movies and listening to Christmas music as I tend to do both year-round. Each year I secretly wish that our family was like those families in those holiday movies who enjoy Christmas, enjoy spending time together and LOVE the spirit of Christmas and desire that "Magical, warm, cozy" feeling that the holiday season brings with being with those who you love the most.

I have grown accustomed to our "family version" of Christmas, yet I secretly desire to have that wonderful feeling and "magic" that comes with Christmas and spending the holiday season with your family. I love my family very much and would not trade them for anything; however, each holiday season I pray that this will be the season where our family gets back to the spirit of the holidays and can enjoy Christmas like we did when we were kids. : )

...This is my Christmas Wish for the year and I pray it comes true.