Walking Through the "Impossibles" in Life.

The quote above is something that I try to live by each day. People have said the phrases "You can't do that" or "That's impossible."...Each time I hear this, I simply say "Why not?" I believe that if you can dream of something, why then, you can achieve it. Life is full of people who have dreamt about things, about the "impossible" and have achieved it. I believe that it's only "impossible" until you achieve the goal you have set for yourself.

There were many things in my life that I either deemed as "impossible" or that I allowed others to tell me that were "impossible". I once thought it was impossible to make it through high school because I struggled so badly to pass a few required courses no matter how hard I tried or how much I studied...I worked very hard, repeated those two classes, and I graduated by the skin of my teeth...But I graduated on time and with a few extra credits.

I once thought it was impossible to care and love the people around me because I lacked that nurturing in my life as a kid, so I didn't know how to love others...It took years of hard work, blood, sweat and tears, but I learned to love those in my life even when I sought it out so much in my own life.

Learning how to have faith and trust in God after being burned so badly by the Body of Christ was something I deemed as impossible for me. I grew up in a church that I and many others felt was "brainwashing" me into believing/acting a certain way, otherwise I was basically "damned to hell" in a nutshell. I did not notice this at first, but a year after I graduated high school, I was tired of being told how to live my life, what I could and could not do, what friends I could and could not have, what music I could and could not like/listen to...etc. I wanted out! I didn't feel that church and a set of beliefs should be like invisible shackles that chain you to a certain way of living...So I left the church and never went back. I felt God was punishing me for leaving the church, when for 8 years my family and friends would end up dying in 2's each year. I gave up on God after my best friend from high school (Mary Foster) was killed in a car accident...I hated God, didn't want anything to do with him, church or anyone who wanted to tell me how much I "needed church and Jesus" in my life...So for many years, I went on a huge downward spiral in my life, and wanted nothing more to do with God until these last two years.--It has taken MANY, MANY years to walk through and process all of that, but I have learned to trust in God once again and I have begun to have faith as well.

Enrolling in college and graduating from college was something I always "knew" would be impossible for me because I struggled so badly through high school and barely graduated...So, right out of high school, I went to work at a few different "crappy" full-time jobs and realized that I did not want this to be my life, I knew there had to be more out there for my life, a career that I could love and truly enjoy and I was going to find it! I enrolled in college, spent five years in school, re-kindled my love of school and learning and then realized that I love teaching others as well as learning as a student. I want to become a teacher. I started a teaching degree and will finish it, but I also discovered that I love helping others and working in the Administrative field...So I pursued a degree in Administrative Support, graduated being a part of the Honor Roll and Dean's List, achieved my 1st and 2nd 4.0 in 2 consecutive semesters and now I have landed a job working back in the school environment in which I LOVE!

I could go on and on with little things, but the point I'm bringing to pass with this post is: Just because something is labeled as "impossible" or just because someone tells you "that's impossible, you can't do that." Doesn't mean you can't do it...I would tell you to respond as I do with "Why not?; It's only impossible until you achieve it." I promise you that people will not only give you a puzzled look, but it will also cause them to think a little as well. : )

...Remember, if you can dream it; then you can achieve it. : )

~Melissa

Finding a job that I absolutely LOVE was something I decided was only for movies and not in real life.

Moving Day

This weekend has made me realize how blessed I was to have essentially all of my immediate family living in the same apartment complexes as I live in. We all live in separate apartments, yet my parents, older sister and her kids and I all live on separate floors. Today was a bittersweet day as I found out that my sister and my niece and nephew will be moving out of their apartment in the next few days. My sister wanted to move back to the Twin Cities and follow a potential career path and she has the opportunity to move, so she decided to take it.

When they first moved in to the apartments, I was a bit frustrated that more of my family had "followed me" to these apartments that I initially moved into to begin with when I started school, but now after having her here with the kids for the last year; I am really sad to see them go. I have grown accustomed to having the kids come up and visit me, hang out, spend the night or even come up and say "Auntie, can I come spend time with you?" I love it when my niece (Hope) and my nephew (Philly) come up and ask for funny, little things like a "Mechanical" pencil and to play with my kitten Mittens. :)

I have begun to bond with them a lot more over the last year than I ever have before due to them usually living in the Cities or not coming to visit that often. It's been really nice to have them here and to see them make friends, play outside, enjoy where they live and just be kids. They grow up so fast and it really bites that they are now moving.

Emotions got the best of me when my sister started giving me her décor and some clothes as I knew it was really going to happen. She wants to start over, turn over a new chapter in her life and she believes that moving back to a place that she likes ( the Twin Cities), it will help her get the job that she likes and get that new start that she is looking for...But it doesn't make the emotions stop when you begin to think of how blessed you really were to have your niece and nephew live "downstairs" from you and you could see them everyday and whenever you wanted to.

Those two special kids have given me so many laughs, and a sense of adventure. I see those two live their lives as kids and enjoying each moment and it makes my heart melt. I LOVE seeing them smile, laugh, play and just being kids...I know I will see the kids when they come to visit, but now that they are moving, it will be hard to not look out my patio door and see them running, jumping, laughing, riding bikes, climbing the tree they know they shouldn't, and just using their imaginations.

I know that this move is what needs to happen, but it's hard to see them go. I hope that my sister, Hope and Philly know how much I love them, have enjoyed having them here and I wish them the best of luck. I hope they know that we love them and will always be here for them.

...To my "Breezy" and "Burrito"; Auntie has LOVED having you two here. I loved spending time together, going on shopping trips together, going for ice cream as Auntie's special treat with you guys and I am VERY PROUD of you two. You both are doing AWESOME in school, are good kids and I am BLESSED to be your Auntie! You two are great kids and I hope you know how much we all love you. Take care of your Mom and listen to her as best as you can. : ) Auntie Melissa loves you! XOXO

...This is what has been on my mind the last few days; and as much as I do not want them to go, I know that this is the best thing for all of them right now. Take care and be blessed. XOXO

~Melissa

Boundaries

Boundaries are essential for a healthy lifestyle and healthy for relationships. I seem to find myself thinking about these, evaluating the ones I have and creating new ones if I feel it is necessary to maintain a healthy life. I've realized that when you place boundaries up in your life and stick to them, you tend to eliminate a lot of stress, chaos and drama from your life.

This was something that I used to have trouble doing in life because I did not want to hurt anyone and I tended to be the "peace keeper/people pleaser". After years of being miserable and hating the "double life" I lived to maintain peace with everyone, I finally said "ENOUGH!". I would ask why everyone in my life seemed happy but I felt completely miserable? I soon realized that I was every one's "doormat" for the lack of a better word. I hate confrontation, and would steer clear of it no matter if I agreed with something or not. I was pretty good at being the "Melissa" that everyone could rely on to do what they needed done, but hiding that I was super annoyed and angry with not feeling respected or feeling like I could say "No" to others who I cared about.

This was a 7 year battle with myself, and when I began to put up boundaries, yes I did stumble and fall back into a few "people pleasing" roles, but I continued to fight through it, and I soon realized that people would be mad at me for a bit, but they eventually got over it. I noticed how good I felt to say No to things that I did not want to do, and know that I would be okay and that the people around me would be mad at first, but would still get over it and move on.

Now, I am not afraid to say "No" to someone or something if I do not want to do it. I have found that my life is far less stressful, chaotic and I feel I have more freedom to focus on the things that I want to do and that make me happy. Don't get me wrong, I love helping people out and will do so when I can, but I have learned that I don't have to do everything that everyone asks of me, and I can say No and not feel bad about it.

At times, I still get angry backlash when I say no to certain people, mainly family as I think those are the hardest people to say no to, but I know that if I feel it's right for me and will allow me to "keep my sanity", then whomever I say No to, will have to accept it, find another way of doing it and move on. Even at times when I feel bad to upset someone that I love or care about, I know as long as I "dig my heels in" and stand by my boundaries, that I will be okay, I will not feel taken advantage of, and the others around me will be just fine as well.

I don't want anyone to think that they have to be a "people pleasing welcome mat", you can say "No", feel good about it and know that you made the best and most healthy choice for you, and for the other people involved. The way that I assess if I need to say "No" is if someone asks me to do something and I really feel uncomfortable with it, don't feel it's necessary for me to do it, or they try to take advantage of the help that I do give them...Then I know that I should say No, and place a boundary down about it and stick to it. I have also learned that you do NOT have to explain yourself all of the time to others. There's a time and place for a reason for saying No to something, but you do not have to explain yourself or your reasoning for saying No all of the time. You can merely say No, stand firm in that and feel good knowing you made the best decision for you, even if the others involved are angry or upset at the time...Believe me, they will get over it and move on. : )

You can help others out, but NEVER feel like you have to do something you really do not want to do or are not comfortable with doing. Boundaries are there to help us lead fulfilling, and healthy lives. Never be afraid to set up boundaries where they need to be. : )

~Melissa

Not Ashamed

Who has not done things in their life that they are not proud of? I can bet most of us have. That's how we grow, how we learn is by making mistakes and learning from them. I grew up believing that if you make a mistake, you recognize you were in the wrong, walk out the consequences, learn from it and move on with life. As a teen and into adulthood, I began learning that the people around me would openly express their opinions about certain things and would shy away from things and people who believed a certain way, lived a certain way, did certain things...etc.

For years, I thought that I had to live this "perfect little life" based on what beliefs I was being taught, what others believed I should do and if I steered away from that and made a "bad choice", then not only would I be convicted by God and my subconscious for the wrong choice, but people would view me differently.

I've learned that honesty is always the best policy, but in doing that, by being brutally honest, people judge you and treat you differently for that. I've been judged for not growing up in a "church going home", I've been judged based on the clothes I wore, the friends I had, the music I like, how much I help my family out, choices I made in my personal life and it was really unfortunate. I am a person who wears their heart on their sleeves, and I don't hide much of anything because frankly it's hard living a "double life" as I did for many years. You soon learn in life exactly WHO are your friends, your true friends and WHY those people are your friends or are NOT your friends.

One of the main reasons why I am doing this blog is for the freedom to write about what I want, but more importantly to share parts of my story with others as an outlet for me to process, deal and heal from things in my past; but more importantly, I hope it may help at least one other person to know that the roads they walk in life, no matter how grim...They are not alone, they have someone who has walked in their shoes before...

I would say that there is probably only one person in my life who knows everything about me, every "secret" and every mistake that I have ever made and that's my sister Heather. The love and acceptance that she has showed me despite my mistakes in life has really given me hope that I can "redeem" myself and that I am not an "awful" person for the choices I made in my life.

Sure, I have drank alcohol and gotten drunk, I have tried Marijuana and smoked it for a time period out of high school, sure I have had sex before marriage, I have smoked cigarettes for a time period, I have eaten junk food pretty much my whole life and I am trying to eat healthier now as an adult...But the fact of the matter is, those things happened in the past but while people where busy passing judgments on my actions, no one knows what in the world I was going through at that time in my life which also lead to some very dark years that I had to claw, drag, climb, fight and crawl out of years later...Those times all came to a head and lead to the biggest and probably the only regret I ever made in my life. Only a few people know about that regret and in telling them, there were a few who said things that ripped my heart out and caused me to not share that part of my story. I noticed after telling a few people closest to me, they treated me differently, looked at me differently and with a couple, they distanced themselves from me because they did not agree with my choice and it hurt them to find it out...I wonder if they knew the emotional roller coaster that came with that decision? I didn't need anyone to "beat me up" for those things as I was doing enough of that myself. I needed my friends to just BE there without judgments, guilt, shame or anything but to just BE there. Some were but a few were not.

I chose VERY wisely who I say things to now, because I have learned that even those closest to you can be the most hurtful or judgmental people in your life. I still love those people, I have forgiven them, and I am moving on.

A huge part of me wants to write a book about a few experiences I have had in my life, or an biography, yet I don't know if I could ever be that open and exposed for the world to read about...My family is a good support, but I still don't tell them everything either because everyone and their mom would know then. I love my family very much, yet if I honestly look at the dynamics, I am only close to my younger sister and she is a person I feel I can talk to about anything; so I do. :) We have MANY long conversations about life in general for both of us...And we have those "I can't believe we just spent 20 minutes talking and laughing about that!" conversations as well. I love you Heather. :)

...The point of this post is to tell people to NOT be ashamed to share your story in life. Don't be ashamed of where you came from, who you were, who you are now and who you hope to become. ALL of those things that have happened in your life has brought you to today, to this time in your life and without having those experiences in your life...Your life would probably be very different and you would not be the awesome person you are today with the dreams you have and the future you are chasing. :) Who cares if people judge you. I know it hurts but it does not say anything about your character if you are judged, but it says A LOT about the person who is judging. Be fearless, judge less, love more.

BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE. Mistakes, flaws and all. I happen to think that's the most beautiful type of person there is. We are all created uniquely different, so why try to fit into a mold or a box that society, and this world tries to place us in? Be free to be none other than AWESOMELY YOU! :)

~Melissa

Missing Pieces

In this life, you wonder at times if there are pieces to life missing from yours? At least this has been the thought in my life. I found out today that my younger sister is having a girl and I will be blessed with another niece in my life at the end of January. As much as I am happy and elated for her, there is a thought that runs deep within my soul. I wonder did I miss it? Did I miss my chance at this time in my life?

I know that women have babies well into their 30's, and with 30 approaching for me next summer, I have begun to think if I will ever become a mom? As I look around me, to the friends that I have in my life, all of them (99%) have children already in their lives. I've tried not to let it get to me as I know that things happen in time; but honestly, I am so TIRED of waiting. I want to experience motherhood more than anything in this world, yet my hope has always been that I would share that time with someone special in my life...Which he is no where to be found yet...So I keep waiting for "Mr. Right" to walk into my life...And I keep waiting for him...Where in the heck is he anyway?

Over the last few years in particular, I have really worried about actually being able to have kids due to previous medical issues, changes within my physical body/system, topped with knowing our family's history with cancer, fertility concerns, and approaching 30...Makes my nerves rattle more than they ever have.

I've always been taught and told that I should get married or be in a committed relationship with someone before I get pregnant, and believe me I HAVE TRIED; but it seems to not work out with the long term relationships that I have had in the past...I have not dated many people in my life, but I have had a few long term relationships that have spanned over multiple years. Things happened, and the relationships did not work out and I thank God that they didn't because now looking back, I know that I would have been completely miserable in those relationships had I stayed in them.

I've seriously considered Invetro or asking a friend for the sake of knowing they are medically okay, but I know them well enough to know they would not mind doing that for me...I have thought about many things as I have never been a person who thinks about or likes "One night stands"; I believe there has to be more to a relationship than just sex...So, I toss those ideas into the wind and wait patiently to meet that person meant for me.

I am more worried about waiting too long for "Mr. Right" and then finding out I missed my chance, or my "window" to have children. My family history on both sides show that the women have had hysterectomies in their late 20's-early 30's, cervical cancers, Endometriosis, and other fertility concerns that my sisters have even dealt with...To top that all off, over the last few years, I have noticed drastic changes within myself that has me concerned that my "fertile window" is rapidly approaching. Yet, I am trying to "wait" for that part of my life to "happen" for me. Truth be told--I am so TIRED of waiting. I constantly ask myself "Did I wait too long? What do I do if I had my chance and gave it up?" I know I could always adopt and I plan to at some point as I have always wanted to, but I also want to experience all of the pieces of Motherhood as well...

Sure, just because my family has had those issues and my siblings have, does not mean for sure that I will...But do I take the risk of waiting on a hope that nothing will affect that, and the noticeable changes that I have seen over the last few years are just a fluke or something that comes with age? I could look at it that way, and that's how I have approached this desire up until this point in my life; but what if I and the others who have told me to wait are wrong? I am not sure that's a risk I am willing to take any longer.

I am super excited to gain another niece and to be there to share in the pregnancy ups and downs with my sister as I did when she had my niece Chloe...But one of the deepest desires within my heart keeps pulsating through my being and rattling me to my very core... I WANT TO BE A MOM! I want to experience that part of my life. I am 29 years old, I think I have waited long enough and although it's not my "ideal" picture of how this would unfold in my life, I cannot shake this deep desire and I surely do not want to "wait my time away". At the same time I am not sure exactly what to do as I want a relationship with someone as well.

For now, I think I will again "wait on this" but I am really looking at having a baby in the next year. Single or not, I believe that surely a 29-30 year old can raise a child on their own if they had to. I watched both of my sisters do it, I helped them with their kids and I know that I could do it, but I would like the father to be there as well.

So, my big debate over this is: Do I continue to wait, even if waiting means another 5yrs or more? OR Do I begin to look at what options are available to me, so I do not miss out on it because I waited too long?

~Melissa

Do You Believe in the Paranormal?

There is much controversy over the fact if ghosts/spirits really exist. Maybe you are a skeptic or a firm believer in the possibility of spirits? The photo shown is just one example of a "possible" spirit form known as an "Orb" or a ball of energy.

I know that there are many people who do not believe in the possibility of ghosts or spirits, but I do. I am not a person who practices any sort of witch craft or anything like that, but I had an experience with what I believe to be a spirit when I was 8 years old, and from that moment on, I knew without a doubt that spirits really do exist. As a kid, I spent many hours at my Aunt and Uncle's house and my cousins, my sisters and I would walk down the road to my Cousin's grandma's house. We spent many days playing there and even stayed over night there a few times. One particular night when we were at Pat's house, I was rinsing out a glass milk jug so it could be refilled with water. As I was doing this, it was dark outside and there was this tiny window in front of the sink that overlooks the back yard. As I was rinsing out this glass jug, I happened to look up and through the window, and I saw two human eyes looking right back at me. It was not late at night, but it was dark outside. I was obviously startled by this and I ended up dropping the jug, which then shattered into the sink. I could not believe what I had just seen. Surely, I thought I was "seeing things" as I have never seen anything like that before...I told my cousins about what I saw and to my surprise, they told me "oh yeah, we have seen figures and heard things in this house for years." I expected them to say I was making it up or that I was crazy, but they had seen things many times in their Grandma's house growing up. I figured they were maybe messing with me and trying to scare me, so I told my Aunt about what I saw and she told me that her Mom's house (Pat's) was "haunted" and had seen many figures in passing going up and down the stairs of the home and she always felt like she was being watched as a kid while growing up in that house...

Now, I am not a person who believes things like this very easily, but until you have something like that happen to you that you simply cannot explain away with logic reasoning, you are left scratching your head and wondering "What just happened and what did I just see?" I had one other experience at the age of 22 after my best friend Mary Foster was killed in a car accident. That death came as an utter shock and it hit me hard! A few months after her funeral, I began having all of these strange dreams about her. Dreams of us hanging out, flashback dreams to our high school years and the things we did together and trips we took together...etc. One encounter came one night after having one of those "Day-ja-vu" (sp?) dreams. Anyways, I had woken up after some strange dream and after falling back to sleep, I had a dream about Mary's accident scene. The only difference was, I was the one who got into the accident. It was me in Mary's body, and I felt EVERYTHING she felt, waited for that hour while an ambulance tried to get to her in the middle of no where while my body was practically severed in half from being ejected from the windshield of her car and landing in a field...It was strange because I tried to avoid hitting the telephone pole that she hit, I tried to drive slower than what she was going according to the reports, and I was wearing a seat belt which we were told Mary was not at the time of her accident. I was literally Mary in the dream but it was like an "out of body" experience. Everything that we were told Mary said, screamed and asked about her dog that was with her, down to Mary telling this lady who witnessed her accident in real life told her to tell Mary's Mom that she loved her...Scared about actually dying in the dream, I abruptly woke up, laid there for a minute to process what I had just dreamt about, and then I heard in a soft voice "Melissa, I am okay. I am not hurting."...It instantly sent shivers down my spine and I immediately started crying, yet I felt this very out of place peace about the accident, and knowing that Mary was at rest with The Lord and was not hurting.

I have NEVER had an experience quite like that before and I have not had one since then either. I do believe in God and that he has the power to do anything in this world. I am not sure if God had anything to do with my experience following Mary's death, but I know that I have never felt such peace in the midst of being so scared and confused. After that second experience, I am a FIRM believer that ghost/spirits really do exist and that sometimes they have messages they need to get to their loved ones.

You can agree with me or disagree and that's okay, but unless if you have some sort of experience like that, you could never understand what it's like to see that, feel that, be in that moment or anything like that to discredit the experience.

I stand firm in the experiences that I have had, and I know what I saw, so for me...I believe there is the possibility of spirits who try to connect with loved ones by either dreams, communication, feelings, or just letting you know that they are there with you and watching over you. : )

~Melissa

Encompassing Globe

There comes a point in every life that people can feel they are stuck in a globe. Life is far from perfect, but I know that in life, there are certain things that we do, probably more of a daily routine and sometimes those are the things we want to change in life.

At times we come accustomed to the things in which we do on a daily basis. I found it fitting to title this post as it is after watching a particular Christmas movie oddly enough entitled Snow Globe. This movie is set during Christmas time, but the storyline is what made me think of writing this post. In this movie, the main character- Angela has this "ideal/perfect" Christmas that she would love to have with her family; with no drama, fighting or yelling but really enjoying all of the fun of the Christmas season. Angela receives a snow globe in the mail and soon realizes she can "travel" to this ideal Christmas town in the globe (in her dreams), where she can enjoy all of the wonders and happiness that the holiday season brings. After a few trips to this town, Angela soon realizes that everything being so perfect is great, but none of it is what she truly wants and it's not real. She ends up getting trapped in this globe town and the only way she can return home is if she realizes what she really wants for Christmas and that is to be with her family, share that time with them, even as imperfect as the holidays are with her family--It's real and it's what really matters to her. She does all she can to make it home and by the end of the movie, she gets the "imperfectly-perfect" Christmas she has always wanted with her family...

I wrote about this movie, because I believe parts of our lives are the same way. We get so focused at times on living the "ideal/perfect" life that we forget what life is really about. Life is about family, friends, adventures, mistakes, growing, learning, having fun, succeeding and enjoying the journey along the way. Sometimes we get so rutted into the routines in life, that we can feel we are enclosed within a globe, doing the same things, having the same outcome and we cannot find a way to break free from that to try something new.

In my personal life, I felt many times that I was trapped in a globe and I had to use everything shy of an iron fist to break that globe into pieces. I have found that when people or life tries to place a globe over me with something, I use brute force to break free and shatter it. I don't like the idea of being "boxed in" in this life or having people place you into this tiny mold of what you should do, and who you should be. I believe that we are all created with a uniqueness that is individual to each of us. Things in life happen, and it's when we stop dreaming and striving to "be the change" from what people expect, is when we have lost our battle and placed that globe over ourselves. I broke free of many strongholds and globes in my life and although I am still learning, growing and dreaming dreams for my life, I have found that I dislike "dictatorships" and people who try to change who I am or tell me what I should or should not do.

We all do the best we can in this life and at times, I know we cannot do things on our own and will need the help of God and/or others in our lives...However, if we allow someone to "place us into globes" in life, well that would be a sad, predictable and unrealistic life.

The opportunities in this life await us to "take a risk" on them. Sometimes we will succeed and sometimes we will fail, but we will ALWAYS be growing, learning and succeeding with each step we take in this life. I am in no way perfect or the person I would like to be someday, but I am grateful that I am not the person I used to be...And that my readers, is the progress and journeys that life has to offer us. Take a risk. Enjoy the journey and dream BIG! : )

~Melissa

Seasons in Life

This morning as I was thinking about allergies and the seasons changing, it made me think of today's blog post. We are now in September and soon, the leaves will be changing with the anticipation of Fall, followed by the dreaded long and cold winter months.

Mother Nature provides us with seasons throughout the year; and with that come the "seasons in life".  As this picture shows, for everything, there is a season.

 

Life gives us seasons in which we are to do certain things, meet certain people, go certain places and each of those seasons in life has a divine purpose. I've found in my personal life that people and friends can and do change over the years. I once was at a place where I was not close to any member of my family, but had a closer relationship with a few people from my childhood church group. For years, I sought out "approval" from those who I was close to outside of my family, but what I came to learn was that my family was more accepting and approving of me as a person, flaws and all than the very people I placed so much trust in all those years ago. Things happen in life that cause you to draw close to those around you, or even distance yourself from certain people or situations that you once were involved in...

 

You also get the opportunities to reconnect with old friends, or people you once spoke to or were around all of the time and for whatever reasons, you drifted away for a bit. Life also brings you across people you have never met, and meeting that person changes something within you because you have gotten the chance to know them a bit.

 

The phrase "Home is where the heart is."; is a phrase that rings true in my life and has stood the test of time with me. St. Cloud will always be my "home" as this is my home town, and where I have spent all of my life thus far. I love this city, but I am "itching" to get out there and live somewhere else for a few years. I have a deep-rooted desire to live in Tennessee for at least a few years, and I know that one day, I will get there. However, St. Cloud will always be my home because that is where my family and friends live. It's the place I grew up, went to school, experienced "life" and I'm proud of this town.

 

During different "seasons" in life, we may change jobs, careers, locations of work, or in my case; return to previous job. I believe that people change jobs or careers because they are trying to either find a job that they are passionate/happy with or they want to explore more avenues within a career or a company. I am a person who likes to explore and see what is all out there in this world; so I can relate to the people who try to "expand their horizons" so to speak within a career or the job they currently have.

 

We also are blessed with walking through struggles in life. It's not to "separate the weak from the strong", but to help us learn, grow and become a stronger person in this world. Life is funny in that I've noticed that the "hard times" tend to circle us in our journey. For whatever reason, or whatever struggle, life tends to present an obstacle (big or small), you walk through it, learn something from it and life is "dandy" again for a bit, but soon enough life presents another obstacle and this cycle circles us throughout our life. I don't think that we are meant to "suffer" all of this "misery and pain" in life, but I do think that each struggle in life or obstacle life presents, is there for us to learn something from, to not only become a "stronger person", but also a better and more wise person than you were before facing that challenge in life.

 

Some seasons (lengths of time) in life are easier than others, but they all are there to allow us to grow, learn and live this life to the fullest and the best of our ability. I do not always like the seasons that I tread in this life, but I am grateful for each one because without them, I would not be where I am today in life or the person I am today.

 

Thank you life for giving me all these seasons through this journey. :)

 

~Melissa



Invisible Handcuffs

As of late, I have had a desire to learn more about certain religions and ways of life that I don't know too much about. The one I have been researching as of late is the Amish religion/way of life. I knew a little about the Amish lifestyle, but I really had no idea what it all entailed. I view the Amish lifestyle as just another way that people live; however, after researching more about it and watching a few documentaries/ reality shows about it, I realized that a lot of what these people (who want to leave the Amish) went through is similar to some of my experiences with religion. I knew that the Amish could not have any electronics or electricity or modern conveniences. I did not know that there were differences between Amish and Mennonites (who are people who can drive cars and have modern conveniences). Although, I do not completely understand the Amish religion, that's okay but each time I see a documentary about this way of life or others, I cannot help but think of "invisible handcuffs".

As citizens of a country, you have two options. You can either abide by the laws of the country, or don't; however, if you don't, there are consequences for disobeying the law. I know that each religion has "rules and regulations" that people adhere to if they are going to identify with that particular religion/way of life; but it still makes me wonder: "Just how far is too far?", when it comes to religion or a particular way of life?

To think that I could not go swimming on a beach, or go to the beach/lake alone just baffles me. To think that if I went to visit a family member in another state, who are still good people but chose to live life differently that I would never be able to see them would crush me. Knowing that if I really had a dream that I wanted to follow, but it would go against the belief systems; and knowing that if I chose to follow my dream would get me shunned from my family and everyone I have ever known, would kill me...Family is the most important thing to me and to know that if I wanted to leave my "homeland" to pursue my dreams or see what life was like in the world, I could not return to my native home or way of life is more than I can fathom...I know that the Amish is a suitable lifestyle for some people, but it's just not for me.

Learning about this way of life has caused me to think of all the things in life that restrain us. Some of those restraints can hinder us from going after dreams or reaching our full potential in this life. We have "handcuffs" that come in different forms from laws of the state/country, rule and policies to be followed at work, "rules" of a particular religion that we may practice to taking care of our responsibilities in life as an adult. Thinking about these things made me see that we are all "bound" by invisible handcuffs every day. Rules/laws/ regulations are in place for a specific purpose, but they can also make us feel "locked up" with minimal freedoms. Researching this life as also made me grateful for all the simple things in life that make my life easier that other people do not have.

I am not this "wild and crazy" person who rebels against rules, but I do believe that as humans and citizens of this country, we should have access to all the opportunities that this country, life and world has to offer. Part of the reason why I left my home church I grew up in was due to invisible handcuffs that they placed on me and other believers. I do believe that there should be limits, but to not be allowed to do something or be shunned/condemned for it is not something that I am okay with. I watched people in my church shun, condemn, judge and push away other members who "sinned" or made mistakes in life and I was appalled by what I saw. I don't believe that there is a reason to EVER shun, or condemn ANYONE for making a mistake in life. Everyone messes up, "sins" and makes mistakes, so how can someone judge someone Else's sin/mistake on the basis that the person "sinned" differently than the person judging. A mistake is a mistake/ a sin is a sin, so why do people judge sins just because people sin differently?

This world has so much to offer everyone who has the opportunity to live life on it. I don't see why people are afraid or are not allowed to experience all of the great things in this world? A better way to approach "being prepared" and "having the armor of God on everyday" would be to say and believe that those people have been taught and trained right, so when faced with those obstacles, they can make the best decisions possible. Life is about learning and how can a person learn if they are "perfect" and make all of the right decisions all of the time? We are MEANT to make mistakes in this life. We are MEANT to grow and learn from them to become better than the person we are today.

Every lesson I have learned in my life, I have learned based on my experiences. I can personally tell you that NO ONE can accurately learn everything if you are not able or allowed to experience the learning process. I am not saying that this is a "ticket" to do whatever the heck you want, no matter who or what says so, but I am saying that maybe with certain aspects of life, the "invisible handcuffs" need to be removed so we are able to experience life and the world instead of fearing it. Isolation does NOTHING to prepare you for the world around you. In fact, I believe that isolation/being sheltered from "all the bad" is the WORST thing that can be done to you because when you become an adult and you go out into the world, you will be completely bombarded, overwhelmed and frightened and not know how to survive.

I have removed many handcuffs from my wrists that were restraining me and holding me back. I was raised to know the difference between right and wrong and I know how to be a law abiding citizen and if I break a law, I know there are consequences to follow my actions...But I could not keep living a life of "what if's" and "do's and don'ts"...I was far old enough to make my own choices and yes, I stumbled and fell along the way, but I picked myself back up, learned from it and moved on. That's what the journey of life is about...It's about EXPERIENCING life, not being "handcuffed" from it.

If you take a few minutes to think about your life, how many handcuffs would you see on your wrists in your daily life? Do they all NEED to be there? Are you happy? Would you change anything? Would you be "okay" if you removed a couple of them?

I know that I was okay with removing a few of them and I believe removing them made me a better and more enjoyable person. : )

~Melissa

Is the Glass Half Full or Half Empty?

What does this image mean to you in your life? Do you believe it is half full of water or half empty?

Everyone has different views and opinions on the things and people of this world. I believe that you can find more good in this world than there is bad. I believe that no matter what things may seem like at "face value", there is always more to it than what meets the eye. We live life making subconscious judgments or opinions may be the better word about the world around us. My personal stance on this is I believe the glass is half full.

Although we are taught a foundation of what to think and believe based on how we were raised, and most of the time, those beliefs reflected what our parents believed...I think that each person is an individual and has the right to believe whatever they want to believe in this life. I've encountered many problems with people throughout my life who believed certain things, and when I would begin to question some of those beliefs within myself, I soon realized that I can believe differently and not be judged for that. Spending the years of 13-21 believing only one way on views, things you quote can and cannot do, and who you should and should not be friends with caused me to "buck back" twice as hard when I began seeing what it did to some of the people in my life that I cared about.

When it came to my family, it was told to me that I could love them and help them...but "from a distance". It took me years to figure out what this phrase actually meant because what I was told it meant was based on one way of thinking. My family is far from perfect, and I don't know that there ever was or will be a family that is "perfect", so why does "perfection" linger over every part of human life and why is it such a force that people want to strive for in this life? It's a losing battle, and no matter how hard you try, no matter what you say or do, no one and nothing will ever be perfect, so let's just enjoy the time on this earth with those we love. That should be good enough right?

Friends were another area that baffled me for years. Over the years, I wrecked a few good friendships based on what I was conditioned to believe are good friends to have. Everyone makes mistakes in life, but whether we are aware of it or not, we make mental notes on those mistakes of others and place people into categories of "closeness" in our lives. We have categories of people we know, acquaintances, friends, close friends, best friends and family. We place limitations of closeness on people in our lives (I've done this too) and it's really unfortunate. When we do that, we miss out on many opportunities to get to know so many great people from all walks of life. There is a phrase that used to annoy the crap out of me and that phrase is  "Those who you spend your time with, is who you will become like". Now, to a level this could be true but let's take an extreme example to look at. If you know someone who lets say drinks heavily or does drugs daily; you can still be their friend, spend time with them because they are a really nice person, pleasant to be around, but you don't have to drink or do drugs like they do. I've had many friends in this life who have done things that they are not proud of, (who hasn't), yet I made choices when I was a teen to shut them out of my life. It was wrong, I felt horrible and I lost some good friends because of it. At the age of 21, I said ENOUGH! I was tired of the life I was living, how I was acting towards others, how judgmental I was towards people who believed differently or lived life differently than I did; and I was sick of becoming like the very people who judged me in life. From that point on, I decided that I was going to make friends with whoever wanted to be my friend and if they did something that I was not comfortable with, well, I was "big enough" to either remove myself from the situation, or tell them it bothered me and asked them to not do those things around me. I still remained their friends, the friendship never changed "levels" and I soon realized that I have a lot of amazing people who are in my life, and all people are in my life for a reason. You cross paths with people for a reason in life and I was forcing those people out of my life because of one way of thinking and I was so WRONG to do that! I believe that no matter how "bad" someone is, there is ALWAYS more good in a person than "bad" or flaws, and that's what I look for, because it's easy to point out what's wrong with people but harder to find the good in them before the bad.

Trips/places to visit/states to live in was another one. I have always dreamed of living somewhere other than Minnesota, even if it's for just a few years. There have been many places that I have wanted to visit but didn't due to finances and what others thought about those places when I would mention them to others. One place in particular that I wanted to visit was Las Vegas, Nevada. This was when I had just turned 21. I didn't want to go there to gamble (although, I am sure at some point that would have probably happened), but I was more fascinated with all of the tourist stuff there and the shows. I really enjoyed watching Siegfried and Roy on T.V. and I wanted to go check out a live show. I also wanted to see all of the musical shows and tourist attractions Las Vegas had to offer...So, that year with my income taxes, a friend of mine and I decided we were going to go there for a few days and check it out. I was beyond excited to tell a few people about it. I proceed to share this fun trip with someone who was extremely close to me and instead of being excited for me, this person started telling me about all of the bad things that happen in Vegas, how it's hard to not give in to temptation and it's called "Sin City" for a reason...As this person kept rattling off all of the bad things in Vegas, I began getting crushed about this cool trip I had wanted to go on with my friend...I think the reason why this effected me so much was because this person knew me since I was a kid, and knew that I have a level-head and I was not into all of the drinking and gambling interests and should have encouraged me to take the trip, but just be cautious...Instead, I was told that I should not go, I would not be living within what I believed if I went and this person didn't think I was making a "good choice" to go. This person was someone who was close to me, and I respected them and their opinions very highly, so I decided to let the trip be canceled and a week later I found out my friend was pregnant, so that didn't work out anyway.

If I thought that I would get into any kind of trouble, I would not have even thought to go as I never really did anything "bad" and hated getting into trouble. My senior year in High school, I was told I should not go to prom because it was "too secular" and I could get into trouble...There was no way in hell I was going to miss my one and only senior prom, so I went anyway. Among many other things around this time, it drove a permanent wedge in the belief system I was being taught. I began to rebel HARD and said "screw what I have been taught and what everyone else thinks is best for my life, I am going to make my own decisions!" I spent years just rebelling for the sake of rebelling, but in the midst of that, I learned that if you give people, places and situations a chance to bless your life and to let the good shine through, even when it looks grim...I think you have found one of the keys to happiness in life. Once I stopped allowing others to plant ideas, believes, thoughts and opinions in my head, and started to really develop my own voice, I found that I have lived a much happier, stress free, less chaotic, less judgmental life.

I wanted to write this blog because I have been called an "Optimist" for many years now, and although the undertones with that were said to me trying to say I was wrong with something; I consider that term to be a blessing for me. It's a blessing because I have learned to become friends with many different types of people from different backgrounds, belief systems, and walks of life. It has allowed me to learn so much more about the people around me, and the world in which we live. It's allowed me to be more open-minded and not so "scared and closed off" from people or things that "could hurt me" and to live this life to the fullest instead of tip-toeing around all the dangers in life and missing the dance along the way. : ) I am okay if people disagree with me or believe differently than I do, I just ask that they be respectful of those differences in people, places, music, travel, walks of life...etc.

...So, I ask you, my readers....Is your glass half-full or half-empty? Neither is "right or wrong" but I do believe that there are a million different ways to live in this world, and each one deserves a closer look. : )

~Melissa

"Like a Kid Again"

In life, we tend to focus on all of the daily hustle and bustle of living. It's a natural and essential thing for all adults to do. We focus our time on our families and their daily needs, our jobs, errands that need to be run, things that we need to buy, dinner that we need to make, cleaning that needs to be done, pay the bills...etc. These are all "normal" and typical functions of the average adult. The last few weeks, I have been consumed more than normal in figuring what bills are getting paid when, how many hours I need to work each week, what things need to be bought, how much laundry I need to do...etc. In complete frustration, I asked myself "When did life get so complex?" What happened to the simplistic nature of life like when we were kids? Then, I began to think about all of the fun things I did as a kid, even in our small neighborhood...

This is a photo of the pool at Seberger Park where I spent many summer days swimming to my heart's content. The park was remodeled years ago and the city replaced the old "big, blue, pool" that I remember swimming in with this "Polar Bear" pool. This pool is about a foot deep and designed for small children, which I guess makes sense, but they now charge a fee to swim here and we could swim when we were kids in a bigger and deeper pool for free. :)

This other photo is of the new playground that also replaced the old one. Even though these pieces of the park replace the old ones, Seberger will always be my childhood playground, filled with tons of swimming days and many memories.

...I thought about the four block walk that we would make nearly every day of the summer as well as many times throughout the year; so we could have fun with our friends. I remember days of climbing this big tree at a corner house a block up from where our house was and hiding from people, or seeing if they would notice us as they walked past. Days of bike riding, rollerblading, McDonald's McFlurries, sun tanning in the front lawn with the boom box blaring the latest hits...To playing 500 with the neighbors in the street and taking late night walks around the neighborhood. As kids, there weren't many portable electronic devices that we would have. The only thing that I remember kids having were Walkmans or Discmans...The "coolest thing" that came out for electronics when we were kids were the Nintendo/Sega and Pagers. Our parents knew each other, so they knew where to find us kids and we knew that when the street lamps came on, it was time to get our booties home or it meant we were in trouble.

Days of "magic", make believe, pretend, and nothing but fun and laughter...I think as adults, we sometimes forget how to have fun and enjoy the simple things in life that we once found joy in as we grow up.

Thinking about this time in life caused me to wonder why I stress and worry so much about the daily things in life now as an adult? Maybe it's "second nature" once you are an adult, on your own and trying to figure out how to do it all? Not sure, but I took a moment to stop worrying about things that are really beyond my control, yet worrying about them would not change it, so why do it?

I find as an adult, I seek to find some of those pleasures I did as a kid. I love blanket forts, and will build them with any kid that I am watching or spending time with. I found I enjoy taking walks, looking at or talking about toys or things from my childhood years, being silly and coloring! Yep, I still color. : )

I was glad to be reminded of how simple life once was, and the joys that I found during that time before my life was consumed with all of the responsibilities of adulthood. I think that we all can enjoy some of those simplistic pleasures we shared as kids, but now we could share them with our children and our families. I mean, who doesn't love a good water balloon fight on a hot, humid, summer day? I know I do, no matter how old I am, I will get in there and chase the kids around like I was a kid again. : )

Jo Dee Messina has a new song out called "Like a Kid Again" that she wrote about seeing part of the world through her son's eyes and remembering how fun it was to be a kid...It's a great song and speaks of these very things I have written about.

As we journey through life as adults, please try to remember what it was like to be a kid, and enjoy that time in life with your children. : )

 

~Melissa