Everyone has different views and opinions on the things and people of this world. I believe that you can find more good in this world than there is bad. I believe that no matter what things may seem like at "face value", there is always more to it than what meets the eye. We live life making subconscious judgments or opinions may be the better word about the world around us. My personal stance on this is I believe the glass is half full.
Although we are taught a foundation of what to think and believe based on how we were raised, and most of the time, those beliefs reflected what our parents believed...I think that each person is an individual and has the right to believe whatever they want to believe in this life. I've encountered many problems with people throughout my life who believed certain things, and when I would begin to question some of those beliefs within myself, I soon realized that I can believe differently and not be judged for that. Spending the years of 13-21 believing only one way on views, things you quote can and cannot do, and who you should and should not be friends with caused me to "buck back" twice as hard when I began seeing what it did to some of the people in my life that I cared about.
When it came to my family, it was told to me that I could love them and help them...but "from a distance". It took me years to figure out what this phrase actually meant because what I was told it meant was based on one way of thinking. My family is far from perfect, and I don't know that there ever was or will be a family that is "perfect", so why does "perfection" linger over every part of human life and why is it such a force that people want to strive for in this life? It's a losing battle, and no matter how hard you try, no matter what you say or do, no one and nothing will ever be perfect, so let's just enjoy the time on this earth with those we love. That should be good enough right?
Friends were another area that baffled me for years. Over the years, I wrecked a few good friendships based on what I was conditioned to believe are good friends to have. Everyone makes mistakes in life, but whether we are aware of it or not, we make mental notes on those mistakes of others and place people into categories of "closeness" in our lives. We have categories of people we know, acquaintances, friends, close friends, best friends and family. We place limitations of closeness on people in our lives (I've done this too) and it's really unfortunate. When we do that, we miss out on many opportunities to get to know so many great people from all walks of life. There is a phrase that used to annoy the crap out of me and that phrase is "Those who you spend your time with, is who you will become like". Now, to a level this could be true but let's take an extreme example to look at. If you know someone who lets say drinks heavily or does drugs daily; you can still be their friend, spend time with them because they are a really nice person, pleasant to be around, but you don't have to drink or do drugs like they do. I've had many friends in this life who have done things that they are not proud of, (who hasn't), yet I made choices when I was a teen to shut them out of my life. It was wrong, I felt horrible and I lost some good friends because of it. At the age of 21, I said ENOUGH! I was tired of the life I was living, how I was acting towards others, how judgmental I was towards people who believed differently or lived life differently than I did; and I was sick of becoming like the very people who judged me in life. From that point on, I decided that I was going to make friends with whoever wanted to be my friend and if they did something that I was not comfortable with, well, I was "big enough" to either remove myself from the situation, or tell them it bothered me and asked them to not do those things around me. I still remained their friends, the friendship never changed "levels" and I soon realized that I have a lot of amazing people who are in my life, and all people are in my life for a reason. You cross paths with people for a reason in life and I was forcing those people out of my life because of one way of thinking and I was so WRONG to do that! I believe that no matter how "bad" someone is, there is ALWAYS more good in a person than "bad" or flaws, and that's what I look for, because it's easy to point out what's wrong with people but harder to find the good in them before the bad.
Trips/places to visit/states to live in was another one. I have always dreamed of living somewhere other than Minnesota, even if it's for just a few years. There have been many places that I have wanted to visit but didn't due to finances and what others thought about those places when I would mention them to others. One place in particular that I wanted to visit was Las Vegas, Nevada. This was when I had just turned 21. I didn't want to go there to gamble (although, I am sure at some point that would have probably happened), but I was more fascinated with all of the tourist stuff there and the shows. I really enjoyed watching Siegfried and Roy on T.V. and I wanted to go check out a live show. I also wanted to see all of the musical shows and tourist attractions Las Vegas had to offer...So, that year with my income taxes, a friend of mine and I decided we were going to go there for a few days and check it out. I was beyond excited to tell a few people about it. I proceed to share this fun trip with someone who was extremely close to me and instead of being excited for me, this person started telling me about all of the bad things that happen in Vegas, how it's hard to not give in to temptation and it's called "Sin City" for a reason...As this person kept rattling off all of the bad things in Vegas, I began getting crushed about this cool trip I had wanted to go on with my friend...I think the reason why this effected me so much was because this person knew me since I was a kid, and knew that I have a level-head and I was not into all of the drinking and gambling interests and should have encouraged me to take the trip, but just be cautious...Instead, I was told that I should not go, I would not be living within what I believed if I went and this person didn't think I was making a "good choice" to go. This person was someone who was close to me, and I respected them and their opinions very highly, so I decided to let the trip be canceled and a week later I found out my friend was pregnant, so that didn't work out anyway.
If I thought that I would get into any kind of trouble, I would not have even thought to go as I never really did anything "bad" and hated getting into trouble. My senior year in High school, I was told I should not go to prom because it was "too secular" and I could get into trouble...There was no way in hell I was going to miss my one and only senior prom, so I went anyway. Among many other things around this time, it drove a permanent wedge in the belief system I was being taught. I began to rebel HARD and said "screw what I have been taught and what everyone else thinks is best for my life, I am going to make my own decisions!" I spent years just rebelling for the sake of rebelling, but in the midst of that, I learned that if you give people, places and situations a chance to bless your life and to let the good shine through, even when it looks grim...I think you have found one of the keys to happiness in life. Once I stopped allowing others to plant ideas, believes, thoughts and opinions in my head, and started to really develop my own voice, I found that I have lived a much happier, stress free, less chaotic, less judgmental life.
I wanted to write this blog because I have been called an "Optimist" for many years now, and although the undertones with that were said to me trying to say I was wrong with something; I consider that term to be a blessing for me. It's a blessing because I have learned to become friends with many different types of people from different backgrounds, belief systems, and walks of life. It has allowed me to learn so much more about the people around me, and the world in which we live. It's allowed me to be more open-minded and not so "scared and closed off" from people or things that "could hurt me" and to live this life to the fullest instead of tip-toeing around all the dangers in life and missing the dance along the way. : ) I am okay if people disagree with me or believe differently than I do, I just ask that they be respectful of those differences in people, places, music, travel, walks of life...etc.
...So, I ask you, my readers....Is your glass half-full or half-empty? Neither is "right or wrong" but I do believe that there are a million different ways to live in this world, and each one deserves a closer look. : )
~Melissa
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